don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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