for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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