Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
false alarm, still single
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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