this beer tastes like vomit already
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
