when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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