did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
