there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
