When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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