The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
