dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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