i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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