wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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