Buhtt sex?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
