She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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