When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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