she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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