Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
now i know why i became what i already was.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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