Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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