I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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