I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
