Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
