I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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