Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
