I hate all girls vehemently.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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