guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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