i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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