You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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