the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
