What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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