how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
