I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
