There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
