the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
