Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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