at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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