Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
