STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
as a side note pls kill me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
