it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
