u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
