so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
