i think my mom watched the whole time
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
