dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
