the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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