what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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