I love black thongs
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
