I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
