Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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