we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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