She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
