i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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