He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
