I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
