I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
