Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
