I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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