Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
